If you train BJJ or any other grappling art and have looked at a screen that was connected to the internet in the last few days, you’ve probably seen the bewildering news that Tyrion Scott was promoted to BJJ Black Belt by none other than God. In turn, His Holiness, Scott then proceeded to promote his TWO wives as well. This was only a few short weeks after promoting both of his brides with to 4 stripe Brown Belts ahead of himself. While this definitely shows Black Belt husband skill level… the BJJ cred was still largely in doubt.
This story has given a glimmer of hope to so many beginners and newer practitioners who, with bowed head and bended knee, have praying urgently and steadfastly for a promotion to Blue Belt. For if Scott’s claims are true, maybe these White Belt lamentations and supplications will be heard by the Big Coach Upstairs and no longer ignored by their earthly instructors.
For confirmation on Scott’s claims that the Almighty ordained his belt Jiu-Jitsu Craft has embarked on a journey of spiritual enlightenment and discovery. We traveled long roads and forgotten paths, touring magnificent cathedrals and humble monasteries. We poured over ancient texts from Bible to Bhagavad-Gita and could find absolutely no reference to supernatural ordination of martial arts rank. But still we searched. We chanted in deep caves and shouted from mountain tops until finally our cries were answered.
Shout out to the Notorious G.O.D. for taking time out of his busy schedule of easing famines, curing diseases, and influencing the outcomes of little league sports games to speak with us. At an undisclosed location we met with the Alpha and Omega to investigate Scott’s bold claim. God’s answer will surprise no one.
Finally we got the chance to ask the question that’s been on everyone’s minds… “Seriously… ? You don’t want me to share the meaning of life… or explain the fossil record… or reveal who built the pyramids…? Alright, no I didn’t give Tyrion Scott a Black Belt… He got that off Amazon. I guess Jeff Bezos gave it to him. So, almost God…. LOL.”
God went on to say “I mean it’s pretty weird for him to say I promoted him and not someone who knows more about BJJ than I do like John Danaher. For real tho… I neither give nor affirm belt rank in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. There is only one power in the universe that can do that. That is the IBJJF. You think my tithes and offerings are steep?! Those guys really know how to fill the coffers.”
For yet further insight on this absurd story we consulted one final expert, Professor Eddie Bravo who said “That’s not worth looking into.”